Friday, April 16, 2010

And then there was blogging there anybody out there? out there? out there?...  Gotta love the echo of an empty virtual room.  When I was trying to decide:
A.  If I wanted another blog.
B. What I would call it. 

  One thing kept coming to mind.  I won't follow through.  I have frequently said that consistency is my nemesis.  As Superman had Lex Luthor and Rainbow Brite fought Murky Dismal I am locked in an epic struggle with my inability to consistently follow any plan.  

   "But Emily" (thats my name) you ask (you being the currently imaginary reader) that sounds so self defeating and final.  "aww but" I reply sagely.  "I am not giving up"... 

  Imaginary conversations aside.  After extensive introspection and research, not to mention countless attempts at defeating my inconsistency and banishing erraticness (is that a word) from my vocabulary.. at 34 years old I declare a truce.  Not defeat but just maybe I can reach a compromise with my footloose and fancy free self.  

Firstly:  I am going to stop feeling guilty.  If I lose interest in something or my attention wanders I am going to not beat myself up about it.  90% of the things I feel guilty about are projects or hobbies I chose for fun, self improvement and enjoyment.  If my interest wanes why would I sabotage the enjoyment and growth I got out of it by feeling guilty that I'm no longer doing it?  Additional there is a direct correlation to how much I flagellate myself with guilt to how unlikely it is I will return to the given activity.

Secondly:  When I am dealing with diet and exercise I am going to give myself plenty of options.  Ok so I get bored with the callanetics video.. better to go for a walk or do the Jillian Michaels DVD than force myself do something I am mentally exhausted with and find it even harder to do next time.  This counts for food as well.  Sure Low carb works best for me.  With PCOS its the best way for me to lose weight.  Never the less if I find I can't stomach another piece of chicken or omlette.  Switching to a healthful standard way of eating for awhile allowing myself to catch my breath is not a failure.  Maintaining what I have already lost is not a failure.  What is failing is stopping the plan I have and eating a chocolate cake a day for two weeks because I went beyond my limits.  

I must learn to recognize the signs of depleting resolve and learn to wean myself off the strict plan to a sensible one until my power reserves replenish.

Thirdly:  I have got to STOP the all or nothing attitude.  To do this I MUST be able to find more flexibility in my routines and choices and even if I don't reach the ultimate goal I may have had at the begining of the week still feel pride for the adjusted one I needed to do.  I believe that my will power is like a muscle.  Currently its a sprinter.  I can do really really well for a short period of time.  I need to develop it and train it to be a marathon runner.

  In summary I am on a long path to finding a way to get the goals I have in life accomplished in a way that is feasible for my personality and one that wont make the path so full of pain, failure and guilt.  This is going to be a long journey.  34 years of bad habits don't go away over night.  I am going to be applying what I learn to every aspect of my life but here I am going to focus mainly on my health goals.   


  1. I personally like you and this is healthy type of thing. your introspection is concise in this one, and it sounds like a nice upward swing :D

  2. Also like the NEW pics! You're REALLY showming the changes